i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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