We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
