I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
