I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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