i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Four minutes until I can fart!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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