what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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