how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
