Will you blow on my dice?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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