this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
