What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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