Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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