You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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