Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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