i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
