So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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