just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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