That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
