based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
