She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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