Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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