I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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