32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
