well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
