You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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