If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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