Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
