I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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