So drunk its hurt
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
