It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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