yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I heard we made out
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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