Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
