I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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