if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
