it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
