I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
