i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
