dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We left the knife in your bed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
