I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
