I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
