Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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