idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
