I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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