he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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