My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
