He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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