Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
