it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
