I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize