theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
