im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize