I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we should paint friendship bongs
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