pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
