I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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