WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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