new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
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