Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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