It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
