Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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