I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
