Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
