i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
