After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
