Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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