I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
